You might think that your pimp cup is only for use in the privacy of your own home, with your own beverages - but you’d be wrong. In truth, the pimp cup is a valuable and versatile liquid-delivery system, ideal for any number of common situations.
For example, have you ever considered bringing your pimp cup along to:
1. A WORKOUT - Go ahead, leave the bottles of SmartWater and VitaminWater and Gatorade for the amateurs. Fill up your pimp cup and strut around the gym like you’re king of the ring. One look at you, sipping from your cup as you jog, and the fellow workout warriors will know that “only 30 minutes on the cardio machine during peak hours” does not apply to you.
2. A FUNERAL - Let’s face it, these are usually pretty lifeless events. Why not enlist your pimp cup to liven things up a little bit? While that preacher is droning on and on about old Great-Aunt Hortense’s marvelous stamp collection hobby, bust out the pimp cup and turn the service into an all-out celebration. It’s what Great-Aunt Hortense would have wanted.
3. A JOB INTERVIEW - What better way to show that you have a good sense of humor? Walk in wearing a snappy suit and perfectly-shined shoes, and when they ask you if you’d like coffee, whip out your pimp cup and say “Fill her up, please.” We’d be surprised if they didn’t offer you stock options right then and there.
4. A FIRST DATE - How awkward are these? Most of them are taken up by avoiding eye contact and turning your napkins into origami. Avoid all that awkwardness by bringing your pimp cup along and asking for the fine wine you’ve ordered to be served in it. Talk about a conversation starter. We guarantee you’ll get a second date from the pimp cup alone.
5. FINAL EXAMS - So, you’ve been up all night cramming, and you’re walking on fumes as you straggle across campus to take the Archaelogy 101 examination at 8 A.M. Fill up your pimp cup with a caffeine-laden beverage and set it on your desk for a nice, revitalizing pick-me-up. Hey, when the teacher sees the pimp cup ... who knows, they might let you pass right then and there.
6. SPORTING EVENTS - The next time you show up at a pick-up basketball game or your weekend bowling league, leave the water bottles behind and bring your pimp cup. It’s the perfect way to show your opponents that you mean business - they’ll be quaking in their athletic shorts before they even get on the court, rink, lane or track.
7. A MOVIE TRIP - You’ve already paid your $12.00 to sit through the latest soulless Hollywood blockbuster, so why not get the most out of your money when you go up to the concession line? Ask the pimply-faced usher to fill up your pimp cup with soda to go with your giant cauldron of popcorn. No matter how lousy the feature turns out to be, you can be assured that theater will turn into a party.
8. YOUR WEDDING DAY - Okay, you’re going to be nervous that day. It’s natural. After all, you’re pledging your heart to your significant other. Why not make everyone less nervous by bringing the pimp cup along? When you do your thank-you toast, fill up your cup with champagne and get the rest of your life started off right.
9. A BIG MEETING - Corporate meetings are stiff, boring, soul-sucking affairs that will grind your spirit and motivation down into a fine, grimy powder. Next time you get called into one of these, pack your pimp cup along with your PowerPoint presentation and business cards. You’ll be Fortune-500 bound in no time!
10. FAMILY REUNIONS - It takes a lot out of you, having to deal with all the different foibles and follies of your entire family. Forget about sack races or pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey; bring along your pimp cup, and you’ll be cutting up the dance floor with all of those long-lost cousins and weird uncles you never see.
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